I hate myself for being me

If there was something I could change,
That would first be me,
I'm depressed, I'm down,
I used to have pride in my academics,
now all that's left is stupidity,
I wish to change myself,
to turn back time, erasing all the stupid mistakes i made,
and never to have met someone like you,
its hard to live on like this,
knowing that I'm living on an empty hope,
that lies within a fool's dream,
I cant think of anything else, but you,
and also knowing that the chance of getting to be with you is,
as good as snowing in Malaysia,
I cant stand living knowing that I like you and knowing i will never be with you,
and
I cant live without you,
What's left is an idiot's dream.

I never hated myself more. I envy you